dianejess's Blog
I live in Long Island NY. I don't especially like it here. I prefer warmer weather. I have 2 cats, Louie is 4 and Red is 3. I adopted an 8 mo old Patterdale terrier mix on Oct 31. I come here to talk with others who have experienced the loss of a pet, as I lost my Yorkie Jesse on Oct 6th and have had a hard time coping.
Posts: 13
Member of: Pet Loss Support.
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Re: I miss my Lucy :(
November 23, 2009 by dianejess
Oh and Jesse was 14. He had a great life, showing off his stuff then retiring with us here in the suburbs sniffing and loving the woods and sunshine. He would look directly at the sun like a sunbather. It was adorable. You will have great memories too. Trust me. you will.
Re: I miss my Lucy :(
November 23, 2009 by dianejess
He eringrace, It is ridiculous how hard this is. I lost my Jesse on Oct 6th. It was awful because he had had tumors that really didn't do anything for a long time until the last 6 or 8 weeks. I noticed that when I gave him a bath he squealed when I tried to comb his hair by his mouth he was a retired gorgeous show yorkie. I was like Jesse stop. I didn't know. Then we went to the vet and he had a tumor in his jaw. OMG!! I felt so horrible. So he went on meds to calm the tumor down because as the vet said it looked angry, and pain meds. Then it looked ok enough for the vet to try to operate and get as much out and he was coming home in the afternoon to have more time. It all sounded so easy. He barked at me in the office waiting room because he was hungry, I said "you'll eat later baby". Then we went in, the dr never got a good look because Jesse wouldn't let him. The vet said ok it looks ok I'll call you. Well he called. The tumor had engulfed my baby's whole jaw top and bottom and broke it. The vet said he was in incredible pain and kind of was implying what had to be done. I miss him so much it is incredibly painful. I truly know what you are going through. It will take a long time for all of us to heal and be able to go on with our lives. Our beloved pets will always posess a special piece of our hearts. That will never be able to be taken away. I hope you were able to take some hair. I wear an engraved locket with Jesse's hair in it every day. If not, don't feel bad. I was obsessed, I have his ashes on my dresser a picture his favorite sweater his collar all on my dresser. It's like a shrine. I take my private time there. I have to. I don't know if it's good, but it is what it is. I am who I am. You will also do what you have to do to heal. Don't even worry about it. Just take care of yourself. I hope you will feel better soon. I really do.
Re: I lost my best friend
November 17, 2009 by dianejess
Hi Barney's dad, I think Chester would be great! It isn't a run of the mill name. It has originality. I just got back from Matti's morning walk. She is doing better, I just have to remember she is only 8months old and the vet told us that's equilivant to the terrible twos. I think I was just tired last night and a bit cranky. I apologize for my rant. I was thinking this morning about Jesse. Today is 6 weeks since we lost him. I think that pet people have this connection with animals and other pet lovers because when a cat may accidently scratch us or a dog accidently nips too hard we give them a pass. They don't know any better, however, when people hurt us or are mean in some way they do know better. I guess that's what makes "people people" and "animal people". We know what we are :-) I think Chester is going to a great home. He's sure going to get a lot of love and attention, just like a new baby really. I'm looking at Matti now, she's looking out the sliding door watching the leaves fall. She finds wonder in everything. When I walk her she looks up for planes, it is very funny. All of a sudden she'll stop and look up, like she remembers she saw a plane there yesterday. Well, good luck with Chester, I'm sure it will help not only your wife, but you too. Dianejess
Re: I miss my baby boy
November 16, 2009 by dianejess
Hi Debbie, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my patience with my dog Jesse many times, but I loved him dearly. It will be 6 weeks tomorrow. It is very hard. He loved a nice bar b q'ed chicken breast. He would bark until his chicken was done. I'm sure it annoyed my guests, but too bad, I loved every bark. I knew once I cut that chicken into small pieces for him he was in doggie bliss. This summer is going to be so hard because every time we bar b q I will be listening for that fierce bark for chicken! Even now when I look out at the patio it is hard. I miss him every day. I know he was sick at the end and all that, but I guess there's something in us that just denys what's going to happen. I really don't know. I just know it is hard, it gets a little easier, but it is hard. You just have to let time do it's thing. I hope you will find comfort here. I know everyone has been so nice to me.
Re: Trying to move on
November 16, 2009 by dianejess
Ada, I look foward to that day!!!! I really miss him!! I'm trying to teach Matti, but I have to admit she is a little waring. But I'm trying. If you have any training advice, I'll gladly take it.
Re: I lost my best friend
November 16, 2009 by dianejess
Hi Barney's dad, I am so glad you are getting a new puppy. It is true, your wife does need it. Everyone was saying that to my husband. I have to admit however, I am thinking Matti is too high energy for me. I give her a nice long walk in the morning and get her really tired or worked out, but later in the day I just can't do it. I'm used to my Jesse. I know he was an old dog, but even in his younger years he was very good and calm. Probably due to his show training. She's killing me. My back is aching. I hope we didn't make a big mistake. Not by getting a dog, just maybe we should have gotten a one or two or three year old. I don't know at this point. I'm trying really hard to be patient and teach her. I hope your pup is good for you. I just never trained a dog before. I'm relying on Cesar's book, stuff on line, and tv. If you have any suggestions I will humbly accept them. I'm ok with the pulling, she's getting better, It's chasing the cats, biting my feet or shoes as I'm trying to get dressed, just hyper stuff I guess. I love her, and she is good, but I'm getting old you know? I'm 48 with a bad back. I really want it to work. I wish you the best I really do. I am so glad you are getting a new pup!!! You will feel better a little each day and the new pup will also distract you. Believe me :-)
Re: I lost my best friend
November 16, 2009 by dianejess
Hi Barney's dad, I know it is so damn hard! Tomorrow will be 6 weeks since we lost our Jesse. It seems Tuesdays are hard. Maybe someday I'll say it was this or that many months and not count weeks. I know exactly what you're talking about when you speak about your wife. I am also what they call "permanently, partially disabled" I used to work as a nurse in a nursing home and totally blew out my back on a tube fed patient that was "dead weight". I endured 2 back surgeries, endless rehab, and an addiction to oxycontin. Needless to say my doctor was a jerk. Anyway, I got MYSELF off the oxy. Jesse was there laying right next to me through everything the pain, recovery from surgery and even the withdrawl. He was always there by my side. I miss him so much!!! It is so true that they know when we need them. They just know. Even now, when I have a bad day and I cry, Matti looks at me like "what's wrong"? I am trying to teach her to walk nice and not pull me. It is tough on my back, but the extra walking is really good for me. I have to do it. I know you can't replace Barney, I can't replace Jesse, but you may consider a new pet. It will really be good for you AND your wife. In the nursing home we had pet therapy and it is proven to help sick and disabled people. Your wife needs the comfort a dog or cat can bring. Think about it. I know it's hard to, because we feel unfaithful in a weird way, but were not. Were simply sharing a space in our heart that will never take our lost pet's space that's all. I really hope you consider it. While I was "looking" for my frufee dog I saw SO many sad faces. I took the time to pet them all. I really did. I offered the shelter to go and pet the cats every week, which I do. (I'm afraid of big dogs or ones I don't know). Those faces changed as soon as I touched them. Really. The cats purred like crazy and the doggie tails wagged. It helps me too. I hope you and your wife feel a little better soon. Dianejess
Trying to move on
November 15, 2009 by dianejess
Hi everyone, I hope everyone is doing ok today. It has been 5 1/2 weeks since I lost my little Jesse. It has been very hard as you all know. I think about him every day. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it is full of tears. As the weeks pass I have to say it is getting a little easier. We adopted a new dog Matti. She is keeping me very busy teaching her to be a good girl. I wanted to wait until we got a new dog, but we were having a hard time accepting the loss of our Jesse. He was a gorgeous retired show Yorkie. He lived 14 happy years and provided us with a lot of love and fun. I have accepted the fact he was suffering. It is very hard to get to that point because we always think we could have done something for our pet. By giving them unconditional love every day we did something. There are so many animals out there in need of good homes. When we took Matti to get spayed this past week there were about 6 kittens there waiting for homes. I played with each one of them. They loved it! Some were purring when I touched them and others just wanted to keep playing. If you are suffering from your loss, please consider adopting again. When I look into their eyes I see such hopefulness. Please take ME they're saying. They will give you comfort and unconditional love. The kind of love we had and yearn for. There is always room in our hearts to give to someone, the special love they need and we enjoy giving. Talk to you soon Dianejess
Re: I lost my best friend
November 14, 2009 by dianejess
Thank you for quoting me. It made me feel good. I hope I was able to make someone feel better. The only job I know of that you may be looking for is vet tech. I know the Shinnecock Animal Hospital on Long Island is looking for one. There is a Boces extended education program that takes about 9 mos to finish and you are qualified to be one. Otherwise you can just apply at a vet's office or animal hospital or shelter and start as an assisant of some kind and work your way up. I know many people have found much fulfillment doing this. I myself looked into this but changed my mind because a vet tech or assistant usually helps the dr in ALL duties even putting down. I couldn't do it. Good Luck
Re: I lost my best friend
November 13, 2009 by dianejess
Hi Barney's dad, I am so sorry for your loss, it is so incredibly hard! I lost my Jesse Oct 6th. I feel like I let him down too. I guess it's a natural response to this situation. I mean what way would we be able to humanely help our pets and not feel that way? I don't know of any. Barney was lucky to have you there holding him at home, he wasn't in a cold hospital with strangers holding him. It is torture to keep thinking of the spark thing. Try to be positive, think of the good times, and what I said about being home with you. You were truly his BEST friend to do things the way you did. I don't know if I could have done that. My poor Jesse was having surgery for a tumor and we thought he was coming home to have more time, even the vet thought so until Jesse was under and he got in there and got a good look, because Jesse would never let him get a real good look while awake. It was far worse than we all thought and the vet called me during the surgery and that was that. I am glad that I got to see him at the pet cemetary where they had a wake type thing set up and we could touch him and kiss him and take some hair. That was hard enough, believe me. I have his ashes in my room with a picture of him and I can have private time there. We have since adopted a rescue dog. She is 8 months old and keeping me busy teaching her to be a good girl and not drag mommy through the neighborhood!! Maybe in time you will be able to do the same. We swore we were going to wait 6 months to make a decision on a new dog, but our pain was raw, it hurt so much. So we were just "looking". Now here she is and we love her too. There is always room in our hearts for more love and we can always find plenty to give. feel better! Dianejess
Re: I lost my best friend
November 13, 2009 by dianejess
Hi Eddie, I am so sorry for the loss of your cat Paisley. You will have wonderful memories of the fun times you had with her for the rest of your life. Your cat Chloe is cute. You will never replace Paisley, she'll always have a special place just for her in your heart. Chloe is here now to make herself a place there too. I'm sure she is helping you and making you smile and laugh at her silly antics. Cats are great that way, when we feel crappy they just know and jump up and give us a rub and purrrrrr. I love that! I have 2 cats Louie is 4 and Red is 3. We just adopted a new dog Matti. She is 8 months. I just couldn't deal with losing my Jesse. My husband was having a hard time too. She is a real spitfire!! I wanted a frufee dog like a poodle or poodle mix, maltese, or bichon, you know the type. We were checking shelters, rescues, on line you name it. On the 31st we just got in the car and drove around. I called one of the rescues and they happened to be having an open house, so off we went. They had a bunch of dogs there no frufee's. There she was this medium sized Patterdale terrier mix all 17lbs of her slapping everyone with her tail! Now she's ours. We named her Matti because we got her in Mattituck Long Island. Funny thing huh? Even though we lost our beloved pets, there are so many animals out there shaking, purring, wagging tails, who need love and homes from people like us who have so much to give! Dianejess
Re: Finding it tough
November 12, 2009 by dianejess
I am so sorry for your loss. It is so very hard! I still cry every day for my Jesse. This may sound weird, but you may still be able to see your dog and have closure. After Jesse passed the vet sent him to the pet cemetary place. They called about A WEEK later to make payment arrangements. Jesse wasn't cremated yet!! I asked if people ask to see their pets and they said all the time and if I want to they will arrange it. The next day we went. He was lying on a marble table his head propped on a red towel and was covered up to his next neck with a red blanket. He was beautiful. I got to hug and kiss him as much as I wanted and cut some of his beautiful hair which I wear every day in an engraved locket and I have some in a plastic bag in my jewelry box. Yes I take it out and smell it and rub it against my cheek just like I used to. He was cremated and I have his ashes. It has been hard and I truly know your pain. We all just need time. With warm thoughts Dianejess
How long to feel better?
November 6, 2009 by dianejess
I lost my precious Yorkie Jesse on 10/06/09. He was a retired champion show dog who had 14 years of love. I miss him terribly and cry every day. I know his pain is gone, but mine is as intense as ever. My life feels like something is missing. He was such a part of my life. I miss his little tail going. We used to call it his happy tail. I feel like I betrayed him somehow because that day the vet was going to try to remove a tumor from his jaw and we were going to go home and have a little more time. He was barking at me in the office because he was hungry. I said "are you hungry baby"? and he looked at me alertly and I knew that was a yes. I said you'll eat later baby. He barked and I pet him then he was called in. The Dr checked him over and that was that. Then came the call. The tumor was basically holding his jaw together. His jaw was broken. Dr said it was bad, worse than we thought. He was in pain, I know. I had to jack up the dose in the last few days. Even though we were feeding him soft food and wrapping his pills in Boars Head chicken he couldn't gain an ounce. He could barely tip the scale at 6lbs. At one time that would have ballooned him to 8lbs easy. He was a chubster once. I even had a fight with the original owner-breeder(who showed him) over his weight at one time. It was hard the last few weeks to pet him I could feel his back bones and rib bones a little. I'm sorry this is long, I wanted to tell my story. It's been so incredibly hard. The tears just flow and flow. I see him everywhere, can't walk where we walked, you know. I look at his pictures and ashes container and the pain is palpable. Does everybody feel like this? Thank you for listening and taking the time to be there for us. Dianejess
