I lost my best friend

Barneysdad:

I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved Barney. The bond between you both was the same I had with my bunny Pinky who passed away three years ago and let me tell you that their last moments to remember are the worst, but although with time those memories don't fade, they soften. If Barney was suffering, you did the right thing and from now on, you start a process which is a long, hard and painful journey: Mourning period, but we are here for you to be your companions during this process and to share the same grief. Just let time do its job, the pain will become more manageable and turn in loving memories but you need patience. Don't allow anybody to pretend from you to get over the loss before it is the right time for you. Don't allow anybody to tell you Barney was "just an animal" because pets are loved members of the family and they love us unconditionally without asking anything in return. Animals have feelings, the same way humans do. Let your tears flow as much as it is necessary, it will heal a little bit your heart and I'm sure Barney will listen if you talk to him. Pets create on uns very deep and strong feelings and it makes their losing very hard and painful. Try to be with people who understand your loss. And remember: we are here for you.

Every blessing
Ada

Barneysdad:
I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved Barney. The bond between you both was the same I had with my bunny Pinky who passed away three years ago and let me tell you that their last moments to remember are the worst, but although with time those memories don't fade, they soften. If Barney was suffering, you did the right thing and from now on, you start a process which is a long, hard and painful journey: Mourning period, but we are here for you to be your companions during this process and to share the same grief. Just let time do its job, the pain will become more manageable and turn in loving memories but you need patience. Don't allow anybody to pretend from you to get over the loss before it is the right time for you. Don't allow anybody to tell you Barney was "just an animal" because pets are loved members of the family and they love us unconditionally without asking anything in return. Animals have feelings, the same way humans do. Let your tears flow as much as it is necessary, it will heal a little bit your heart and I'm sure Barney will listen if you talk to him. Pets create on uns very deep and strong feelings and it makes their losing very hard and painful. Try to be with people who understand your loss. And remember: we are here for you.
Every blessing
Ada

Ada, Thank you so much for your support, it has been a difficult week. I miss every little thing he did and see him everywhere. I catch myself saving the last bite of a cookie and realize the truth.

It means alot to me to have the support of family and friends and people like you that have gone thru this. Thanks again, Barneys dad

Hi Barney's Dad,
I don't believe you let him down. I'm sure he knows you were helping him by releasing him from his pain. In a way, we're treating animals more humanely than people, by allowing them to not have to suffer really badly before they "cross over". You said you believe you did the right thing, go with that, don't torture yourself, the pain of losing your friend is bad enough w/o making it worse!!
In sympathy,
Cathy

Hi Barney's Dad

I am still traumatised by the loss of my Max 3 months ago , can't get the sight of his dead body out of my mind, i know what you are going through. I still find it difficult to concentrate on my daily activities. I know Max was happy, I am sure your Barney was very happy. I read that dogs do not  realise they are going to die so if the owner stays calm the dog thinks he is just falling asleep. What helps me is talking about Max with others, and crying whenever I feel like , so don;t be ashamed of your emotions, it means you really loved Barney and it's normal.
Take care
Joanne

Cathy, Thank for the words of wisdom. I do know it was the right thing to do but it is still real hard. I hope you are right about him knowing, I just can not get his face out of my head. Thanks again, Barneys dad

Hi Joanne, I am very sorry for your loss of Max. I know how you feel and it still seems like a nightmare and I will wake up and everything will be right in my world again but then reality sets in. The problems we have in our life just do not seem that important now. I am having difficulty dealing with the loss and seeing the fear in his eyes as his spark went out. I was holding his little head in my hands and telling him what a good boy he was and how much he was loved. I could always tell what was on his mind by the expression on his face and I will never forget it. I guess time will help us both deal with it Barney was so full of life and love that it leaves a big empty hole. I know that him and Max are a lot better off than we are and are probably running and playing together right now, wouldn't that be something! I guess I must be selfish. Cathy had some good advice too. I just miss my "little buddy". Thanks again for your help, Barneysdad

Hi Barney's Dad, I have cried more over the loss of my cat Paisley that I have ever cried all my life.  It is very difficult to take responsibility for the well being of a sick animal, and to have to make the decision to end the suffering.  I had made an appointment for euthanisation, but she died about 12 hours before.  It was very sad and I too feel traumatised by the experience.  I wish I could have done it 48 hours earlier but I just couldn't get the time off of work.  I am glad that her suffering is over, glad that I spent her last moments with her in spite of how gory it was, and glad that she is buried in my back yard instead of cremated and disposed of. 

Take some time, and then get another dog.  I feel much better after getting another cat, although don't think for a minute that you can replace your lost companion.  I guess it's just carrying on the tradition.  I do love and adore my new cat Chloe though, and wouldn't give her up for anything.

Hi Eddie,  I am so sorry for the loss of your cat Paisley.  You will have wonderful memories of the fun times you had with her for the rest of your life.  Your cat Chloe is cute.  You will never replace Paisley, she'll always have a special place just for her in your heart.  Chloe is here now to make herself a place there too.  I'm sure she is helping you and making you smile and laugh at her silly antics.  Cats are great that way, when we feel crappy they just know and jump up and give us a rub and purrrrrr.  I love that!  I have 2 cats Louie is 4 and Red is 3.  We just adopted a new dog Matti.  She is 8 months.  I just couldn't deal with losing my Jesse.  My husband was having a hard time too.  She is a real spitfire!!  I wanted a frufee dog like a poodle or poodle mix, maltese, or bichon, you know the type.  We were checking shelters, rescues, on line you name it.  On the 31st we just got in the car and drove around. I called one of the rescues and they happened to be having an open house, so off we went.  They had a bunch of dogs there no frufee's.  There she was this medium sized Patterdale terrier mix all 17lbs of her slapping everyone with her tail!  Now she's ours.  We named her Matti because we got her in Mattituck Long Island.  Funny thing huh?  Even though we lost our beloved pets, there are so many animals out there shaking, purring, wagging tails, who need love and homes from people like us who have so much to give!  Dianejess

Dianejess:

I'm sure Jesse is proud of you because you are giving Matti the care, home and love she needs. There's no doubt that Jesse will help with this job.

Hugs and blessings
Ada

Hi Barney's dad,  I am so sorry for your loss, it is so incredibly hard!  I lost my Jesse Oct 6th.  I feel like I let him down too.  I guess it's a natural response to this situation.  I mean what way would we be able to humanely help our pets and not feel that way?  I don't know of any.  Barney was lucky to have you there holding him at home, he wasn't in a cold hospital with strangers holding him.  It is torture to keep thinking of the spark thing.  Try to be positive, think of the good times, and what I said about being home with you.  You were truly his BEST friend to do things the way you did.  I don't know if I could have done that.  My poor Jesse was having surgery for a tumor and we thought he was coming home to have more time, even the vet thought so until Jesse was under and he got in there and got a good look, because Jesse would never let him get a real good look while awake.  It was far worse than we all thought and the vet called me during the surgery and that was that.  I am glad that I got to see him at the pet cemetary where they had a wake type thing set up and we could touch him and kiss him and take some hair.  That was hard enough, believe me.  I have his ashes in my room with a picture of him and I can have private time there.  We have since adopted a rescue dog.  She is 8 months old and keeping me busy teaching her to be a good girl and not drag mommy through the neighborhood!!  Maybe in time you will be able to do the same.  We swore we were going to wait 6 months to make a decision on a new dog, but our pain was raw, it hurt so much. So we were just "looking".  Now here she is and we love  her too.  There is always room in our hearts for more love and we can always find plenty to give.  feel better!  Dianejess

Even though we lost our beloved pets, there are so many animals out there shaking, purring, wagging tails, who need love and homes from people like us who have so much to give!  Dianejess

-dianejess

This is the real message.  For every animal that we love there are a thousand more that need our love.  I'm leaving right now to go to the bird shelter to help socialise the birds, something that I have always had a knack for.  They have the most beautiful and exotic birds there, many dropped off because their owners had no idea how much work and attention they need.  I have already handled an African Grey that was neglected and dropped off because it was neurotic.  Birds can develop severe neuroses if not socialised properly.  Nobody could go near this bird until I worked with him; now people visiting can actually handle him and it is my hope that he will be adopted.  He is so friendly now and even though he never talked before, he is now talking like crazy.  It is so heart warming to see an animal turn around like this.  I wish I could do domething like this for a living.  Animal shrink?  How much do they make?

Thank you for quoting me.  It made me feel good.  I hope I was able to make someone feel better.  The only job I know of that you may be looking for is vet tech.  I know the Shinnecock Animal Hospital on Long Island is looking for one.  There is a Boces extended education program that takes about 9 mos to finish and you are qualified to be one.  Otherwise you can just apply at a vet's office or animal hospital or shelter and start as an assisant of some kind and work your way up.  I know many people have found much fulfillment doing this.  I myself looked into this but changed my mind because a vet tech or assistant usually helps the dr in ALL duties even putting down.  I couldn't do it.  Good Luck

Hello Eddie, I am very sorry to hear about the loss of Paisley, I know how you must feel. I am glad to hear that you have a new friend in Chloe. It has been three weeks since Barney died and I still cry every day and miss him so much. It is hard to have lost a close companion like we had and not be traumitized by the loss. Barney and I had a special bond that very few people are blessed with and even though I may get another dog that wiil be loved I don't think I will ever have that type of bond again. Thanks for your reply, Barneysdad

Dianejess, I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Jesse and the pain you are going thru. It really does help to hear from all the people that that have shared that dreadful experience. To lose a companion that is that close to us is very painful. Barney was not just a pet but my best friend. To some people that might sound silly but that's their problem. My wife is a MS patient and has had some really difficult times lately. Barney was always a comfort to her and me, he could always make us smile no matter how bad things were. He would stay in bed with her all day when she couldn't get out of bed, laying right up next to her while she would be rubbing his belly. He had a sense of when we needed him and he was always there. When I was holding his head and looking into his eyes as the vet was giving him the injection Barney was telling me "daddy, I am laying here still because I know that is what you want me to do and I want to be a good boy for you. I am scared but I love you and trust you". This is what has been eating me up. I know my little boy and what he was thinking, and he was a GOOD BOY. It has been three weeks and I cry over him every day. Thanks again for your help and congratulations on the new addition to your family, Barneysdad

Hi Barney's dad,  I know it is so damn hard! Tomorrow will be 6 weeks since we lost our Jesse.  It seems Tuesdays are hard.  Maybe someday I'll say it was this or that many months and not count weeks.  I know exactly what you're talking about when you speak about your wife.  I am also what they call "permanently, partially disabled"  I used to work as a nurse in a nursing home and totally blew out my back on a tube fed patient that was "dead weight".  I endured 2 back surgeries, endless rehab, and an addiction to oxycontin.  Needless to say my doctor was a jerk.  Anyway, I got MYSELF off the oxy.  Jesse was there laying right next to me through everything the pain, recovery from surgery and even the withdrawl.  He was always there by my side.  I miss him so much!!!   It is so true that they know when we need them.  They just know.  Even now, when I have a bad day and I cry, Matti looks at me like "what's wrong"?  I am trying to teach her to walk nice and not pull me.  It is tough on my back, but the extra walking is really good for me.  I have to do it.  I know you can't replace Barney,  I can't replace Jesse, but you may consider a new pet.  It will really be good for you AND your wife.  In the nursing home we had pet therapy and it is proven to help sick and disabled people.   Your wife needs the comfort a dog or cat can bring.  Think about it.  I know it's hard to, because we feel unfaithful in a weird way, but were not.  Were simply sharing a space in our heart that will never take our lost pet's space that's all.  I really hope you consider it.  While I was "looking" for my frufee dog I saw SO many sad faces.  I took the time to pet them all.  I really did.  I offered the shelter to go and pet the cats every week, which I do.  (I'm afraid of big dogs or ones I don't know).  Those faces changed as soon as I touched them. Really.  The cats purred like crazy and the doggie tails wagged.  It helps me too.  I hope you and your wife feel a little better soon.  Dianejess

Hello Dianejess, I really appreciate your support. It is nice to hear from people that are going thru the same thing. We have picked out a new puppy and are supposed to get him this weekend. I don't know how ready I am but my wife needs him. She is a born mother and needs something to baby, I'm too big. I am looking forward to his arrival but am a little apprehensive on how I will receive him. I will always think of Barney as the perfect dog. I went to the attic and went thru his stuff and found his collar, I have it hanging from the mirror in my truck. It's still really hard. I know the new puppy will be fine and we will love him too. I look at it as an honor to Barney that we are willing to do it all over again and that is what he would want us to do. I even told my wife after we saw the puppy that Barney was talking to him to get him ready to live with us and what he would have to do and what he could expect from us.I bet he is getting an ear full! I am sure Mattie will do just fine and after she has been with you for awhile will be able to read your mind. It will just take a little time. I am glad your are recovering and I know Mattie will be a big help. Thanks again! barneysdad

Hi Barney's dad,  I am so glad you are getting a new puppy.  It is true, your wife does need it.  Everyone was  saying that to my husband.  I have to admit however, I am thinking Matti is too high energy for me.  I give her a nice long walk in the morning and get her really tired or worked out, but later in the day I just can't do it.  I'm used to my Jesse.  I know he was an old dog, but even in his younger years he was very good and calm.  Probably due to his show training.  She's killing me.  My back is aching.  I hope we didn't make a big mistake.  Not by getting a dog, just maybe we should have gotten a one or two or three year old.  I don't know at this point.  I'm trying really hard to be patient and teach her.  I hope your pup is good for you.  I just never trained a dog before.  I'm relying on Cesar's book, stuff on line, and tv.    If you have  any suggestions I will humbly accept them.  I'm ok with the pulling, she's getting better,  It's chasing the cats, biting my feet or shoes as I'm trying to get dressed, just hyper stuff I guess.  I love her, and she is good, but I'm getting old you know?  I'm 48 with a bad back.  I really want it to work.  I wish you the best I really do.  I am so glad you are getting a new pup!!!  You will feel better a little each day and the new pup will also distract you.  Believe me :-)

Hi Dianejess, I hope you and Mattie will get things worked out. We took in a eight month old dog that was a lot larger than Barney. The people just asked that we try it for a couple of days to see how it would work. I knew the first day that it wasn't going to work. When my wife or I would take him out he would drag us around the yard which was too much for her, I took him back and they were excited to have him home. We raised Barney from a ten week old puppy and he was a pleasure to train so we decided to start from scratch with a new puppy. I also went to our animal shelter and it has to be one of the saddest places on earth. I walked by most of the dogs and petted most. They were excited to have some personal contact. I plan on helping with our local spca chapter very soon. Barney really changed me in how I look at animals now. I don't have any real advise for you and Mattie except it takes more patience with an older dog because you are actually retraining her from what she has already learned. It is just going to be easier on us with a puppy plus my wife will have her "baby". We are still trying to think of a good name for him. What do you think about "Chester"? Thanks for all your support, Barneysdad {p.s. 48 is not old}