Help I am so grief-stricken

Joanne, I'm glad to hear from you again.

I knew you would understand, because I figured you were facing a lot of the same problems I was.  Believe me, I have been having some of the same thoughts as you.  Autumn was Paisley's favorite time of year, and the first beautiful autumn day (it's practically winter now) made me so very blue.  And I can't stand to witness my father's suffering and deterioration back to back with Paisley's ilness and death either.  I cannot even help him now, I am traumatised.  I have been very ill for the last 5 days and have sat at home all alone for a day now.  It is very lonely here and no one has even checked up on me.  I am exhausted, but committed to putting myself back together again.

I am going to go see a couple of cats for adoption but I am still having reservations.  Every cat seems to have some issues, and while I have always been very good at dealing with problem animals (not just cats, but dogs and birds as well), I am in no condition to deal with more problems now.  As selfish as it makes me feel, I need a healthy creature as a companion, a creature that will give me a commitment of companionship.  Paisley had a lot of problems, only 3 legs since she was a kitten and later pins in her hip, she was very happy but often in pain, for years, and I never thought twice about doing what I had to do to make her happy but now, I need the same in return.  Paisley gave me everything she could, she was a very faithful cat and I'm not complaining for one second.  Taking her in was a big gamble for me, I figured I'd have a lot of problems and heartache with her, but it really wasn't that way at all.  I feel like I was well rewarded for adopting a special needs cat, and I feel like I got a huge payoff for my gamble.  But now, I cannot take such a gamble, as much as I would like to.  I'm just not that strong.

I am here again :)

Ada and Eddie, thanks a lot for your replies. I hope time will help me but not soon...

Eddie, believe me I know what you are feeling. When Max died i felt so empty, I was getting so anxious I thought I should have another dog. So I took the one I wrote about from the shelter. He was clingy, lively and adorable, and needed so much attention, and it was too early for me and i was unable to give it to him. Thank God I found  a good home for him, his owners now are acquintances of mine so I know how he is getting on. I guess i is better for him to be there than in my sad house.
However, i do love animals, dogs especially, and i know I would like to have one, or more, in the future, but now i just cannot afford it and deal with it emotionally. Normally I would be in seventh heaven if i could take a dog from a rescue, even with an issue, and help him out , but not now. I feel selfish at times as well and it is ripping me apart cause i realise there are so many wonderfull creatures in need but... Like you, I am just not strong enough... And having a mother who is so ill, and a father who is helpless and not very good at handling this kind of stress and has no patience at all ( and is not a dog lover) I just can't. And i am living with my parents because my mother needs me , my father is not the kind of man capable of giving real support to anyone.I hope I will solve most of my problems, my mourning process and financial difficulties, and i will be able to take care of another poor dog...Maybe you will find enough strenth to adopt another cat in the future, too...And like your Paisley , my Max was a dog with an issue- he was taken off his mother too early,i guess maybe because of that he was timid and easy to scare at times, at other times he was very naughty, but all that made me love him even more. I was patient and caring. And he loved me very much, and he was really beautiful, with such big brown eyes, I could always tell his mood looking at those loving eyes...God I don't know if i am sane , so many thoughts are just rushing through my head . I just feel a bit better when i write about this.

Take care
joanne

im grief stricken coz of a brand new loss just this past monday.i read ur story and gave me an idea when to be ready for a new dog.im sorry  for ur loss.but i thank u for sharing this experience in this website so people like me can learn from u and others .i was imagining wat a new dog would be like for me.i feel im betraying my manny if i get a new dog.but i definitely will get another one in the future.flore

My new dog has come back to me- the new owners could not cope with his separation anxiety ( and he stayed alone for a couple of hours when they were at work). I feel sorry for him so I guess I will keep him. I know he is no replacement for Max, I am still in great pain and sadness won't go for a long time , but my sick mother likes Teo and finds his presence comforting. But it is still very hard .

We can't replace the lost pet. They are unique as any human being. The measure of our grief is proportional to that uniqueness and the love we had for them. My new dog is very unlike my previous one and there was a time I was literally scared of the responsibility of caring for her. She and I had so much to learn from each other--but I didn't know it then. That process of getting to know each other and bonding was rocky and tiring. But like you, I felt sorry for her. In my case, I felt sorry that her previous owner could not handle the rambunctious, eager pup and she was put off into a shelter. Yet she wasn't my gentle Tribs.

Emotions have a way of  running away with us and then we are constantly overwhelmed. But it still takes a chunk of the intellect to carry out the day-to-day care for our new dogs--to train them and adapt to them. Yes, there is a big part of us that is not in the mood for doing this because we are still grieving yet if you can imagine the joy that might lie ahead, it's worth the work and effort. You will have grown a hundred miles when things are better and Teo will be there for you. I certainly, sincerely, wish this for you. I have been there, walking a dog I had no affection for. But it came, just like the mail! Peace to you and healing and tell us how you are doing.

Dear Shirakhan

thank you so much for your post. That's how I feel -  i like Teo but that's all there is to it... I am scared real affection will never come...I can see he is so happy with me and loves me, his life was miserable but he is gentle and joyous, i play with him, take care of him, but miss Max soooo much...I lit a candle for him today in a virtual cemetery and cried again . It is comforting I know there are people here who do understand this kind of emotions .

I think it's good for you to let it out. Holding it in is difficult. It's a very empty feeling to have our buddies gone. Don't give up. I believe Teo and you will bond eventually. He sounds like a nice dog.

I walked my Autie today in the sun and fall air. I remembered Tribs. I thanked God for both their lives. That I was the one allowed to care for them. Peace and healing to you.